Yesterday things did not go my way. First I woke up before the sun to get ready for class, it had snowed all night, and a thick sheet of glossy ice left the sidewalks and streets slippery. I slid once on the 50-foot walk to my car. My car slid on the ice and made a funky burning smell on my way to school. And that was all before 8am.
You all know that I have been on a ‘medical journey’ which is just a euphemism for a series of procedures that is taking a lot longer than I thought it would. Nearly three years ago it began, with minor procedures here and there when I could fit it in during summer and winter breaks from college. The cosmetic portions, which I have been the most eager to address, have been pushed back and pushed back because the doctors determine that something else is more important. My spring break was the last opportunity to fit in a cosmetic procedure before graduation.
The winter storm, cosmic forces or sheer dumb luck have made scheduling this surgery take longer than usual. Yesterday I found out that there is a conflict with the surgeons’ schedules and my spring break. Therefore I will not have the surgery next month. Because of school and graduation, that means no surgery for at least three months.
If someone is trying to teach me patience, I get it already. If someone is trying to teach me to remain positive and optimistic, I feel like I’ve don’t that enough too. If someone is trying to teach me that I cannot schedule and plan my life, message received. I don’t think anything has ever met my expectations. Relationships, friendships, school, living on my own, finding a job. I understand that we cannot dwell on uncontrollable situations, but I can’t help but feel a little sad for a while.
I didn’t want to sugar-coat the situation and point out the positive opportunities this presents so I played the song below and drank coffee and got through classes and my internship and came home and got in my favorite comfy gray t-shirt and cried and woke up today and moved on and started to figure out something to do during my newly-free spring break.
I redirected my attention to something that does make me happy. Because I will not have a surgery next month, I no longer have a barrier to training for my next marathon. In fact, I’ve already found the perfect race. I only have 14 weeks, which is shorter than most marathon training plans but I feel like I’m in good enough shape to jump right into Week 3. I’m excited to build up the long runs again (more Garmin time!) and share my training with you. :)
Time to revisit the marathon board and recaps. :)
Posted on February 25, 2015, in Life Updates and tagged dealing with setbacks, expectations are the root of all heartache, feeling emotional, feeling hormonal, medical journey, sensitive person. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.
Love you Kenz. I am especially excited to have a girl’s day over your spring break :)
I’m so sorry to hear you aren’t able to have your much anticipated surgery over spring break! And you are RIGHT! It’s OK to experience your feelings!…then move on! Love you!
I started following your blog about two weeks ago when I googled “homemade Starbucks skinny vanilla latte” because I have given up Starbucks for Lent. A link to a post you wrote popped up. Since then I have been reading your blog when I get a break at work (don’t tell my boss). Your post about your surgery being postponed and how sad you were broke my heart. I would like to tell you “oh, there is a reason for everything,” but sometimes there just isn’t a reason for everything. You are sad, you are frustrated, you are broken but I also have confidence that you will pick yourself up, put on those running shoes and embrace life. I said a prayer for you this morning that God would wrap his arms around you and comfort you. I hope today is filled with sunshine, warm weather and lot of coffee. You truly are an inspiration.
Wow this was so nice to read, thank you so much for your kind words. I’m happy that you found my blog and appreciate your care and prayer. P.S. If you try the homemade latte recipe, let me know how you like it :)
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